Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay

And Other Things I Had to Learn as a New Mom

Author: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 9781416940838

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 240

View: 9252

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The moment the second line on the pee stick turns pink, women discover they've entered a world of parenting experts. Friends, family, colleagues, the UPS delivery guy -- suddenly everybody is a trove of advice, much of it contradictory and confusing. With dire warnings of what will happen if baby is fed on demand and even direr warnings of what will happen if he isn't, not to mention hordes of militant "lactivists," cosleeping advocates, and books on what to worry about next, modern parenthood can seem like a minefield. In busy Mom-friendly short essays, Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay delivers the empathetic straight dirt on parenting, tackling everything from Mommy & Me classes ("Your baby doesn't need to be making friends at three months old -- you do! But not with people you'll meet at Mommy & Me") to attachment parenting ("If you're holding your baby 24/7, that's not a baby, that's a tumor"). Stefanie Wilder-Taylor combines practical tips with sidesplitting humor and refreshing honesty, assuring women that they can be good mothers and responsibly make their own choices. A witty and welcome antidote to trendy parenting texts and scarifying case studies, Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay provides genuine support, encouragement, and indispensable common-sense advice.

Daddy Needs a Drink

An Irreverent Look at Parenting from a Dad Who Truly Loves His Kids--Even When They're Driving Him Nuts

Author: Robert Wilder

Publisher: Delta

ISBN: 0385339267

Category: Humor

Page: 273

View: 1089

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A hilarious compilation of essays takes an irreverent look at the art of parenting from a father's point of view, chronicling the realities of sleep and cocktail deprivation, children's bizarre obsessions, and other unique challenges and joys of parenthood. Reprint. 25,000 first printing.

It's Not Me, It's You

Subjective Recollections from a Terminally Optimistic, Chronically Sarcastic and Occasionally Inebriated Woman

Author: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 9781439164327

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 240

View: 3592

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Stefanie Wilder-Taylor has never been one to take the easy, conventional route. In her latest work It’s Not Me, It’s You, she unabashedly showcases a life well lived, ignoring all wisdom, but yet somehow, coming out on top. Combining her trademark biting wit and straightforward common sense, the anticipated comedic memoir delivers outrageous tales from all periods of her life and family history. From Taylor’s outlook on working hard (audition for a game show instead) to getting her husband to propose (forget The Rules: try nagging and physical violence) these stories venture beyond daycare, sure to entertain both parents and non-parents alike. Covering a wide range of topics that explore the anxiety, frustration, and exhaustion that accompany the rewarding, comical, awe-inspiring, and life-altering roles of parent, teenager, wife, and daughter, It’s Not Me, It’s You offers readers an escape, empathy, and plenty of laughs.

Double Time

How I Survived---and Mostly Thrived---Through the First Three Years of Mothering Twins

Author: Jane Roper

Publisher: St. Martin's Press

ISBN: 1250014913

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 272

View: 1557

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Becoming a mother is rarely what you expect. Jane Roper never expected she'd have twins—or that they'd be such a spirited twosome. She didn't expect that finding the right balance of work and home would be so tricky. And she certainly didn't expect she'd grapple with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder during her daughters' toddler years. But she also didn't anticipate just how much joy, laughter and self-discovery motherhood would bring. Full of warmth, honesty, occasional advice, and a generous helping of humor, Double Time is a smart and engaging account of the first three years with multiples and a refreshingly candid and vulnerable look at clinical depression. It's a memoir that will resonate countless women—especially those parenting in double time.

I'm Kind of a Big Deal

And Other Delusions of Adequacy

Author: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 9781439176979

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 272

View: 4413

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WARNING TO READERS: The Author of This Book is Kind of Crazy, Kind of Delusional, and All Kinds of Hilarious Whether she’s driving a limo for former Family Ties star Justine Bateman, dancing in the dark for a rarely seen Bob Dylan music video, or stalking a bachelor reject from TV’s Love Connection, Stefanie Wilder-Taylor is kind of a big deal—at least in her own mind. Smart, screwy, and scathingly funny, her tell-all essays capture every cringe-worthy moment of her kind-of famous life. From bombing as a stand-up comic for born-again Christians, to winging it as a singing waitress in an Italian restaurant, to posting open letters to Angelina Jolie and David Hasselhoff, this unstoppable L.A. transplant refuses to give up on her dreams—no matter how ill-advised—and shows us a side of Hollywood better kept hidden. When it comes to funny women—unplugged and unleashed—they don’t get any wilder than Stefanie Wilder-Taylor. . . .

Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures

Author: Amber Dusick

Publisher: Harlequin

ISBN: 1460309863

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 224

View: 4784

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"The drawings aren't very good, Mama." —Crappy Boy, age 5 Of course you love being a parent. But sometimes, it just sucks. I know. I'm Amber Dusick and I started my blog Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures because I needed a place to vent about the funny (and frustrating) day-to-day things that happened to me as a parent. Turns out, poop is hilarious! At least when you're not the one wiping it up. This book won't make your frustrating moments any less crappy. But these stories about my Crappy Baby, Crappy Boy and my husband, Crappy Papa, will hopefully make you laugh. Because you're not alone. And sometimes the crappiest moments make the best memories. Parenting is wonderful! And also, well, you know.

Whoa, Baby!

A Guide for New Moms Who Feel Overwhelmed and Freaked Out (and Wonder What the #*$& Just Happened)

Author: Kelly Rowland,Tristan Bickman, M.D.

Publisher: Da Capo Lifelong Books

ISBN: 0738219436

Category: Health & Fitness

Page: 192

View: 3693

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When global pop star Kelly Rowland became a mom for the first time, giving birth to her son Titan, she felt the most incredible love she had ever experienced. But after spending nine months so focused on the baby growing inside her, she was caught completely off guard by how much she had changed. Like many first-time moms, she was not ready for what had happened to her body and for so many overwhelming new thoughts and emotions. She wondered: Will I Ever Walk Again? Will I Ever Sleep Again? Are My Boobs Always Going to Be Like This? Rowland had questions about everything from postpartum bleeding, skin and hair changes, and dealing with aches and pains to getting back in shape and sex after baby. She also weighed the larger notions about what she wanted out of motherhood and the rest of her life. It was a good thing that Rowland's longtime OB/GYN Dr. Tristan Emily Bickman was right there to answer every single crazy question that popped into her head. Nothing fazed Dr. Bickman and she provided Rowland with the answers she so desperately needed, telling her over and over that, in the months after a woman gives birth, nothing is exactly strange, but nothing is necessarily normal either. It's all just part of the "miracle" of birth. In Whoa, Baby! Rowland and Dr. Bickman team up to share this reassuring information with new moms everywhere. Often hilarious and always down-to-earth, Rowland and Dr. Bickman cover every surprising challenge that new moms face.

Balance Is a Crock, Sleep Is for the Weak

An Indispensable Guide to Surviving Working Motherhood

Author: Amy Eschliman,Leigh Oshirak

Publisher: Penguin

ISBN: 1101186763

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 352

View: 8670

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wickedly funny, girlfriend-to-girlfriend survival guide for working mothers who want real answers, not mommy manifestos or sappy crap on finding "balance" Most books for working mothers are earnest, serious guides with some usefull information, but lack the snark and praticality that today's overworked moms relate to. Marketing veterans Amy Eschliman and Leigh Oshirak know firsthand what a struggle it can be to hold down a stressful job while raising a family-and that sometimes the only way to preserve your sanity is with laughter. A survival guide for the rest of us, Balance is a Crock, Sleep is for the Weak is filled with bitterly funny topics like: • Congratulations. Now, where do I slot "baby" in Outlook? • Maternity Leave: Vacation or Hell? • The Breastaurant is Open for Business: The pump and grind of nursing after you return to work. • You Are Not Your Husband's Mother! and other time-sucking obligations. • And more day-to-day advice for surviving the working-mommy trenches Balance is a Crock, Sleep is for the Weak is the indispensable "what to expect when you're expected back at work" guide for working mothers or any woman considering returning to work after baby. Watch a Video

The Fab Mom's Guide

How to Get Over the Bump & Bounce Back Fast After Baby

Author: Jill Simonian

Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

ISBN: 1510715185

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 256

View: 746

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Bouncing back fast after having a baby is absolutely possible for anyone! Affectionately known as The FAB Mom on-air and online, Jill Simonian uses her trusted and entertaining expertise to set expecting and new moms on a distinctive, no-frills journey to help them “get over the bump” and bounce back fast after having a baby. Jill’s frank tricks, somewhat against-the-grain tips, and laugh-out-loud tales involving famous names provide first-time moms a unique roadmap for managing and conquering the lifestyle challenges a newborn often brings. The FAB Mom’s Guide offers a motivational style and practical solutions to inform, inspire, and empower even the most uncertain of new moms. From hanging an oversized mirror in your kitchen to opting out of nursing to spending entire days wearing only your underwear and beyond, Jill Simonian can help a new mother get organized, have fun, and feel in-control, happy, and reinvented within six months of having a baby. Encouraging women to tune out the drama and arming them with useful talk and tools to minimize exhaustion and maximize focus, Jill uncovers and reshapes the status quo for how FAB (an acronym for: Focused After Babies) a new mom’s sense of self and life can truly be.

Confessions of a Scary Mommy

An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, The Bad, and the Scary

Author: Jill Smokler

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1451673787

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 176

View: 3135

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Sometimes I just let my children fall asleep in front of the TV. In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. If I can’t survive my daughter as a toddler, how the hell am I going to get through the teenage years? When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. I end up doing my son’s homework. It’s wrong, but so much easier. Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection. My eighteen month old still can’t say “Mommy” but used the word “shit” in perfect context. But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation. I pretend to be happy but I cry every night in the shower. The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization. I clock out of motherhood at 8 P.M. and hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer. If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club. I know why some animals eat their young. In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?), Confessions of a Scary Mommy combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions. Sometimes I wish my son was still little—then I hear kids screaming at the store. As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.” Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood? STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS! I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me. I shall not preach to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business. I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood.

Deep Breaths

The New Mom’s Handbook to Your Baby's First Year

Author: Michelle Pearson

Publisher: Mango Media Inc.

ISBN: 1633536440

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 213

View: 7725

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Millennial moms: You've survived pregnancy and now you have a newborn baby and you're entering your first year of newborn care. What's next? Deep Breaths: The New Mom’s Handbook to Your Baby's First Year is Michelle Pearson's debut book. In her newborn baby book, this YouTube mom of 5 details: what to expect during pregnancy or what to expect during the first year of motherhood the importance of finding your mother tribe how to embrace motherhood with all of its ups and downs how to continue managing your career how to continue your social life Millennial moms: This isn’t your grandma’s parenting book. YouTube parenting vlogger, Michelle Pearson, brings her inspiring and motivating parenting stories, tips and tricks for the modern millennial mom. From what to expect as the pregnancy develops to the milestones within the first 12 months, Michelle knows that the journey will have highs, lows and the occasional unexpected surprise on social media. Starting a family and caring for the new baby: “Reading Michelle's journey as both a mom and a millennial woman, with hopes and admirations of her own, I couldn't help but feel like I was sitting down to coffee with a close friend, sharing some of our hardest and most beautiful struggles. Michelle's depiction of both the blessings and the challenges that every millennial mom faces, is raw, refreshing, and shows truly how unique the millennial generation is. Sharing her high moments, as well as the low- you get an intimate look into her life as both a young woman and also a mom who is passionate about everything she does. Millennials have both the advantage and the curse of social media, and Michelle so candidly speaks life and hope into a generation of moms who just want someone to tell them they're doing it "right". Jaimie Kight, YouTube Vlogger Key elements of Deep Breaths include: How to become the mom you want to be The good, the bad, the ugly Embracing/finding/defining the mother within Delicate balance A day in the life of a millennial mom iMom Pamper yourself My favorite recipes for the millennial mom

The Chicktionary

From A-line to Z-snap, the words every woman should know

Author: Anna Lefler

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1440531226

Category: Reference

Page: 240

View: 6358

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You're all over the definitions of "low lights," "ruching," and a "tankini." But can you spot a "Mrs. Potato Head" when you see one? That's where The Chicktionary comes in. With the help of Anna Lefler and her collection of 450+ must-know words and phrases, you'll be in the know when faced with terms like Aberzombie, Bandeau, George Glass, and Puma. So whether you are dealing with a Residual Girlfriend, diagnose yourself with a bad case of Basset Knees, or need to go on a Briet, you'll be prepared for all that comes your way. At the very least, this book will serve as a delightful reminder that everyone has a skeleton in her closet--right next to her fat pants.

365 Things Every New Mom Should Know

A Daily Guide to Loving and Nurturing Your Child

Author: Linda Danis

Publisher: Harvest House Publishers

ISBN: 0736947264

Category: Religion

Page: 272

View: 7011

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This daily guide to the first year of motherhood combines prayerful, playful, and practical information to energize new moms. Features weekly devotionals and daily activities that foster a baby's physical, emotional, social, and spiritual growth.

Ketchup Is a Vegetable

And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves

Author: Robin O'Bryant

Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin

ISBN: 1466857196

Category: Humor

Page: 240

View: 4672

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If you don't have anything nice to say about motherhood, then... read this book. Robin O'Bryant offers a no holds barred look at the day to day life of being a mother to three, running a household and the everyday monotony of parenting. It's not always pretty but it's real. Whether she's stuffing cabbage in her bra... dealing with defiant yet determined daughters... yelling at the F.B.I... or explaining the birds and the bees to her preschooler... you're sure to find dozens of humorous and relatable situations. From the creator of Robin's Chicks, one of the South's most popular blogs on motherhood, misunderstandings and musings, comes a collection of essays that will not only make you laugh and cry, but realize that you're not alone in your journey. Sit back and relax, pour yourself some "mommy juice," throw a fresh diaper on your baby and deadbolt the bedroom door to keep your kids out... because once you start reading you'll be too busy wiping away tears of laughter to wipe anybody's butt.

Fortune-Telling Book for Moms-to-Be

Author: Carey Jones

Publisher: Chronicle Books

ISBN: 0811879356

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 204

View: 8680

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The latest addition to the best-selling Fortune-Telling series (450,000 copies sold), this gift book for expectant mothers divines the secrets about the baby they carry. From determining the baby's sex and temperament to decoding dreams and omens associated with pregnancy, this little book is a perfect way for moms-to-be and baby shower guests to consult with the cosmos.

The Mommy Journal

Letters to Your Child

Author: Tracy Broy

Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing

ISBN: 9780740727306

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 128

View: 2862

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Ask any mother and she will tell you there are just not enough hours in the day. By the time she has fed, clothed, and bathed the children, read Curious George for the 100th time, cut the crusts off the PB&J sandwiches, and removed the ground-in dirt from the play clothes, she does not have time to create a detailed scrapbook of each of her children's lives. It's no wonder that so many elaborate baby books remain incomplete, their pristine pages adding to the guilt and inadequacy that many moms already feel.That is why The Mommy Journal is so perfect for today's moms. It offers a quick and guilt-free way to record the special moments of childhood. Space for each entry is only about three inches long and undated, so there is no pressure to write lengthy narratives or to journal every day. In less than five minutes, mothers can quickly jot down the moments they want to remember forever. Plus, unlike traditional baby books, The Mommy Journal lets mothers record memories of all their children in one place.Charming illustrations of toys, hearts, and animals grace each page. Every few pages contain a bit of parenting wisdom such as, "The best thing you can give children next to good habits are good memories." Instructions for fun activities moms can do with their children, such as make edible finger paint from instant pudding, are included as well.The Mommy Journal will become a treasured keepsake, both for the mom who creates it and for the child who receives this precious record of childhood.

To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?

Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers

Author: Suzanne Weber

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1451660677

Category: Humor

Page: 112

View: 2202

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Q: How do you breed contempt? A: Have a baby. Hey. It’s me. Your baby. Let me say, first off, that I love you. I do. You’re a great parent. You do a lot of things right. I know how devoted you are to me and how invested you are in hitting this whole parenting thing out of the playground. Okay. Now that I’ve given you the validation I know you need, let’s get a few things clear . . . I’m not as innocent as you think I am. You don’t realize it because you’re blinded by my sweet good looks, but I am aware of way more than I can convey. I feel more than I can express. I have more going on in my soft, little baby brain than you could possibly imagine. Until now. The book you’re holding finally reveals the complexities and nuances of my life so far. From my point of view. Unapologetic. Unplugged. Unswaddled. Be warned . . . it’s not always adorable.

If You Give a Mom a Martini--

100 Ways to Find 10 Blissful Minutes for Yourself

Author: Lyss Stern,Julie Klappas

Publisher: Clarkson Potter Publishers

ISBN: 0307453715

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 127

View: 9592

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The authors have compiled 100 imaginative ways they and their friends--including such celebrities as Kelly Ripa and Jill Hennessy--spend their time when they have 10 luscious minutes to themselves.

Mommy Guilt

Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids

Author: Julie Bort,Aviva Pflock,Devra Renner

Publisher: AMACOM Div American Mgmt Assn

ISBN: 9780814413685

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 256

View: 9053

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The authors encourage parents to let go of unobtainable--and ill-advised--goals in favor of parenting philosophies that concentrate on the whole family. This eye-opening book presents the results of an original, never-before-published nationwide survey of over 1,300 parents.

The Modern Girl's Guide to Motherhood

Author: Jane Buckingham

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 0061748242

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 336

View: 2449

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From the author of the bestselling The Modern Girl's Guide to Life comes a must-have book for the young mom, including best-kept secrets, practical advice, and multiple solutions for problems from birth to age four Just when you thought you could cook (hey, one meal counts), clean (if the queen was coming), and seduce a man (well, long enough to get married), life throws you a curveball that makes all of your previous ineptitudes in life pale in comparison. With the appearance of one little extra line on a pregnancy test, you're thrown into a world of covering up leaks on shirts and taking a pacifier away from a two-year-old who has the grip of a pit bull. In this funny, smart, and honest book, Jane Buckingham cuts through the clutter to give you simple information and practical advice for navigating the different stages of motherhood. From how to get your child to sleep and how to wean, to how to get him off the pacifier and how to stop his tantrums, this book will help moms feel in the know and in control! Some of Buckingham's favorite tips: If your baby has a hard time feeding because of a stuffy nose, turn on the shower to steam up the bathroom and feed her there. Put your children's paints in an empty egg carton -- it's the perfect size, and there's no mess to clean up when you're done. Use an old raincoat with the arms cut off as a smock. You should buy a new car seat, rather than borrowing a friend's old car seat, as there are constant safety upgrades. Also, be sure you are the person registered to that car seat (send in that registration card!) so that you'll be notified in case of a recall. Keep the three-day rule in mind: Almost any bad habit can be broken in three days. Granted, they may be tough, torturous days, but you can do it! The Modern Girl's Guide to Motherhood helps modern moms do it all with love, style, and flair!