Confessions of a Scary Mommy

An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, The Bad, and the Scary

Author: Jill Smokler

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1451673787

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 176

View: 5776

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Sometimes I just let my children fall asleep in front of the TV. In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. If I can’t survive my daughter as a toddler, how the hell am I going to get through the teenage years? When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. I end up doing my son’s homework. It’s wrong, but so much easier. Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection. My eighteen month old still can’t say “Mommy” but used the word “shit” in perfect context. But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation. I pretend to be happy but I cry every night in the shower. The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization. I clock out of motherhood at 8 P.M. and hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer. If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club. I know why some animals eat their young. In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?), Confessions of a Scary Mommy combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions. Sometimes I wish my son was still little—then I hear kids screaming at the store. As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.” Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood? STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS! I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me. I shall not preach to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business. I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood.

Confessions of a Scary Mommy

An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, The Bad, and the Scary

Author: Jill Smokler

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1451673779

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 168

View: 2543

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An irreverent assessment of the dark side of parenting combines original essays and anonymous confessions as posted on the ScaryMommy.com site to encourage women to embrace their own parenting approaches without competing with other moms who only seem to have everything under control.

Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies)

Author: Jill Smokler

Publisher: Simon and Schuster

ISBN: 1476728380

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 176

View: 7365

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From the New York Times bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and the wildly popular blog ScaryMommy.com, a hilarious new essay collection that exposes the “vicious lies” that every parent is told. Newly pregnant and scared out of her mind, Jill Smokler lay on her gynecologist’s examination table and was told the biggest lie she’d ever heard in her life: “Motherhood is the most natural thing in the world.” Instead of quelling her nerves like that well intentioned nurse hoped to, Jill was instead set up for future of questioning exactly what DNA strand she was missing that made the whole motherhood experience feel less than natural to her. Wonderful? Yes. Miraculous? Of course. Worthwhile? Without a doubt. But natural? Not so much. Jill’s first memoir, the New York Times bestseller Confessions of a Scary Mommy, rocketed to national fame with its down and dirty details about life with her three precious bundles of joy. Now Jill returns with all-new essays debunking more than twenty pervasive myths about motherhood. She’s here to give you what few others will dare: The truth.

Moms Who Drink and Swear

True Tales of Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind

Author: Nicole Knepper

Publisher: Penguin

ISBN: 110165094X

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 336

View: 9950

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If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.

Ketchup Is a Vegetable

And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves

Author: Robin O'Bryant

Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin

ISBN: 1466857196

Category: Humor

Page: 240

View: 7406

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If you don't have anything nice to say about motherhood, then... read this book. Robin O'Bryant offers a no holds barred look at the day to day life of being a mother to three, running a household and the everyday monotony of parenting. It's not always pretty but it's real. Whether she's stuffing cabbage in her bra... dealing with defiant yet determined daughters... yelling at the F.B.I... or explaining the birds and the bees to her preschooler... you're sure to find dozens of humorous and relatable situations. From the creator of Robin's Chicks, one of the South's most popular blogs on motherhood, misunderstandings and musings, comes a collection of essays that will not only make you laugh and cry, but realize that you're not alone in your journey. Sit back and relax, pour yourself some "mommy juice," throw a fresh diaper on your baby and deadbolt the bedroom door to keep your kids out... because once you start reading you'll be too busy wiping away tears of laughter to wipe anybody's butt.

The Mommy Journal

Letters to Your Child

Author: Tracy Broy

Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing

ISBN: 9780740727306

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 128

View: 3513

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Ask any mother and she will tell you there are just not enough hours in the day. By the time she has fed, clothed, and bathed the children, read Curious George for the 100th time, cut the crusts off the PB&J sandwiches, and removed the ground-in dirt from the play clothes, she does not have time to create a detailed scrapbook of each of her children's lives. It's no wonder that so many elaborate baby books remain incomplete, their pristine pages adding to the guilt and inadequacy that many moms already feel.That is why The Mommy Journal is so perfect for today's moms. It offers a quick and guilt-free way to record the special moments of childhood. Space for each entry is only about three inches long and undated, so there is no pressure to write lengthy narratives or to journal every day. In less than five minutes, mothers can quickly jot down the moments they want to remember forever. Plus, unlike traditional baby books, The Mommy Journal lets mothers record memories of all their children in one place.Charming illustrations of toys, hearts, and animals grace each page. Every few pages contain a bit of parenting wisdom such as, "The best thing you can give children next to good habits are good memories." Instructions for fun activities moms can do with their children, such as make edible finger paint from instant pudding, are included as well.The Mommy Journal will become a treasured keepsake, both for the mom who creates it and for the child who receives this precious record of childhood.

If You Give a Mom a Martini--

100 Ways to Find 10 Blissful Minutes for Yourself

Author: Lyss Stern,Julie Klappas

Publisher: Clarkson Potter Publishers

ISBN: 0307453715

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 127

View: 6432

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The authors have compiled 100 imaginative ways they and their friends--including such celebrities as Kelly Ripa and Jill Hennessy--spend their time when they have 10 luscious minutes to themselves.

The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide

Field-Tested Strategies for Staying Smart, Sane, and Connected When You're Raising Kids at Home

Author: Melissa Stanton

Publisher: Seal Press

ISBN: 0786745738

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 288

View: 7423

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Melissa Stanton’s The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide is an all-encompassing, truth-telling how-to book that addresses the many practical and psychological issues facing stay-at-home moms today. How do you create time for yourself? Is there really time to do it all (feed the kids, keep them busy, clean the house, balance the checkbook, and take a shower)? How do you deal with the absence of the “professional you"? An invaluable resource for mothers, The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide includes interviews with stay-at-home moms, discussions with experts (family therapists, educators, medical specialists, career counselors), checklists to help you make the most of your time and keep you balanced, and Melissa Stanton’s own experiences leaving a career as an editor for People magazine to become a stay-at-home mom herself.

The Modern Girl's Guide to Motherhood

Author: Jane Buckingham

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 0061748242

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 336

View: 2525

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From the author of the bestselling The Modern Girl's Guide to Life comes a must-have book for the young mom, including best-kept secrets, practical advice, and multiple solutions for problems from birth to age four Just when you thought you could cook (hey, one meal counts), clean (if the queen was coming), and seduce a man (well, long enough to get married), life throws you a curveball that makes all of your previous ineptitudes in life pale in comparison. With the appearance of one little extra line on a pregnancy test, you're thrown into a world of covering up leaks on shirts and taking a pacifier away from a two-year-old who has the grip of a pit bull. In this funny, smart, and honest book, Jane Buckingham cuts through the clutter to give you simple information and practical advice for navigating the different stages of motherhood. From how to get your child to sleep and how to wean, to how to get him off the pacifier and how to stop his tantrums, this book will help moms feel in the know and in control! Some of Buckingham's favorite tips: If your baby has a hard time feeding because of a stuffy nose, turn on the shower to steam up the bathroom and feed her there. Put your children's paints in an empty egg carton -- it's the perfect size, and there's no mess to clean up when you're done. Use an old raincoat with the arms cut off as a smock. You should buy a new car seat, rather than borrowing a friend's old car seat, as there are constant safety upgrades. Also, be sure you are the person registered to that car seat (send in that registration card!) so that you'll be notified in case of a recall. Keep the three-day rule in mind: Almost any bad habit can be broken in three days. Granted, they may be tough, torturous days, but you can do it! The Modern Girl's Guide to Motherhood helps modern moms do it all with love, style, and flair!

Confessions of a Domestic Failure

A Humorous Book About a not so Perfect Mom

Author: Bunmi Laditan

Publisher: MIRA

ISBN: 1488022887

Category: Fiction

Page: 400

View: 1088

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Instant Bestseller From the creator of The Honest Toddler comes a fiction debut sure to be a must-read for moms everywhere There are good moms and bad moms—and then there are hot-mess moms. Introducing Ashley Keller, career girl turned stay-at-home mom who's trying to navigate the world of Pinterest-perfect, Facebook-fantastic and Instagram-impressive mommies but failing miserably. When Ashley gets the opportunity to participate in the Motherhood Better boot camp run by the mommy-blog-empire maven she idolizes, she jumps at the chance to become the perfect mom she's always wanted to be. But will she fly high or flop? With her razor-sharp wit and knack for finding the funny in everything, Bunmi Laditan creates a character as flawed and lovable as Bridget Jones or Becky Bloomwood while hilariously lambasting the societal pressures placed upon every new mother. At its heart, Ashley's story reminds moms that there's no way to be perfect, but many ways to be great.

The Good Mother Myth

Redefining Motherhood to Fit Reality

Author: Avital Norman Nathman

Publisher: Seal Press

ISBN: 1580055036

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 224

View: 4235

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In an era of mommy blogs, Pinterest, and Facebook, The Good Mother Myth dismantles the social media–fed notion of what it means to be a “good mother.” This collection of essays takes a realistic look at motherhood and provides a platform for real voices and raw stories, each adding to the narrative of motherhood we don’t tend to see in the headlines or on the news. From tales of mind-bending, panic-inducing overwhelm to a reflection on using weed instead of wine to deal with the terrible twos, the honesty of the essays creates a community of mothers who refuse to feel like they’re in competition with others, or with the notion of the ideal mom—they’re just trying to find a way to make it work. With a foreword by Christy Turlington Burns and a contributor list that includes Jessica Valenti, Sharon Lerner, Soraya Chemaly, Amber Dusick, and many more, this remarkable collection seeks to debunk the myth and offer honest perspectives on what it means to be a mother.

I'm Just Happy to Be Here

A Memoir of Renegade Mothering

Author: Janelle Hanchett

Publisher: Hachette Books

ISBN: 0316549436

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 320

View: 4986

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From the creator of the blog "Renegade Mothering," Janelle Hanchett's forthright, wickedly funny, and ultimately empowering memoir chronicling her tumultuous journey from young motherhood to abysmal addiction and a recovery she never imagined possible. At 21, Janelle Hanchett embraced motherhood with the reckless self-confidence of those who have no idea what they're getting into. Having known her child's father for only three months, she found herself rather suddenly getting to know a newborn, husband, and wholly transformed identity. She was in love, but she was bored, directionless, and seeking too much relief in too much wine. Over time, as she searched for home in suburbia and settled life, a precarious drinking habit turned into treacherous dependence, until life became car seats and splitting hangovers, cubicles and multi-day drug binges--and finally, an inconceivable separation from her children. For ten years, Hanchett grappled with the relentless progression of addiction, bouncing from rehabs to therapists to the occasional hippie cleansing ritual on her quest for sobriety, before finding it in a way she never expected. This is a story we rarely hear--of the addict mother not redeemed by her children; who longs for normalcy but cannot maintain it; and who, having traveled to the bottom of addiction, all the way to "society's hated mother," makes it back, only to discover she will always remain an outsider. Like her irreverent, hilarious, and unflinchingly honest blog, "Renegade Mothering," Hanchett's memoir speaks with warmth and wit to those who feel like outsiders in parenthood and life--calling out the rhetoric surrounding "the sanctity of motherhood" as tired and empty, boldly recounting instead how one grows to accept an imperfect self within an imperfect life--thinking, with great and final relief, "Well, I'll be damned, I'm just happy to be here."

Savvy Auntie

The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers, and All Women Who Love Kids

Author: Melanie Notkin

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 0062078674

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 256

View: 1855

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“What a wonderful gift this book is for aunties of all of ages, backgrounds, shapes and varieties!” —Elizabeth Gilbert, New York Times bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love “Melanie Notkin shines a much-needed spotlight on a bond that brings so much happiness to so many people.” —Gretchen Rubin, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project Savvy Auntie is the ultimate guide for cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers, and all women who love kids but have none of their own! Written by Melanie Notkin—America’s premier Savvy Auntie and creator of the popular online community savvyauntie.com—Savvy Auntie focuses on everything that parenting manuals generally leave out: namely auntie-ing! This groundbreaking handbook celebrates the 50% of kid-loving American women who aren’t (or are not yet) moms, but have so much to add to the Family Village.

I Heart My Little A-Holes

A bunch of holy-crap moments no one ever told you about parenting

Author: Karen Alpert

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 0062341618

Category: Humor

Page: 304

View: 7045

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Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

Deliberate Motherhood

12 Key Powers of Peace, Purpose, Order & Joy

Author: Power of Moms

Publisher: Familius

ISBN: 1938301919

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 256

View: 1936

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The outstanding authors of Deliberate Motherhood have let the trials and hardships of motherhood mold them into better people. Whether the change includes learning patience when the two-year-old “paints” your walls with the black permanent marker or forgiving a teenager who screams “I hate you,” or loving more when that naughty child doesn’t really deserve it, it’s a change that refines us—or as the dictionary describes it, “removes impurities, makes something more effective or become more elegant.” That is powerful! You may think that everything has been said about motherhood, but the delightful thing about Deliberate Motherhood is that every mother/author is one-of-a-kind. They each come from different backgrounds, have different parents, are married (or not) to different people, and certainly have “different” children. Each of the 12 “Powers” provided in this book is a crucial component to help you in your motherhood. And the best part is that you don’t need to do it all at once. You can focus on one “power” a month, and over the course of a year, you’ll see great changes in yourself and in your family. The mark of a great book is that it makes you think . . . and it helps you change . . . which in the case of this book, is an absolute guarantee!

Working Mom Survival Guide

How to Run Around Less & Enjoy Life More

Author: Suzanne Riss,Teresa Palagano

Publisher: Weldon Owen

ISBN: 9781616281472

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 144

View: 3247

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Every day, working mothers encounter and overcome new challenges large and small at home, at the office, and on the road. From the editors of Working Mother, veteran working moms themselves, this book offers clear, straightforward solutions and practical shortcuts. From the experts at Working Mother magazine, Working Mom Survival Guide answers your most basic and trickiest questions: Are you addicted to your BlackBerry? How do you get your toddler, or your co-workers, to listen? How do you get on or off a mommy track? Access quickly the information every working mom needs to know—from how to keep tabs on your teen’s online time to how to ask for a flexible schedule—and get back to your busy day, better prepared and more confident. With humor and practicality, Working Mom Survival Guide collects the wisdom and experience of working moms who have been there, too, giving you a head start when you need it most. Subscription to Working Mother magazine included with purchase (details inside book). “As a busy professional and mom of three kids, I know it’s not possible to achieve total balance, but the Working Mom Survival Guide definitely makes juggling all these roles more manageable. This book is rich with practical advice on how to organize and prioritize and make life’s difficult decisions, so you can be your best self in the boardroom and in the playroom!” -Joy Bauer MS, RD, Today show nutritionist and The New York Times bestselling author “Three cheers for the Working Mom Survival Guide! One cheer for its common sense approach, one cheer for its thoroughness, and one big cheer for its sense of humor. Working moms need backup, and this book provides “been there, done that” advice that really resonates for everyday issues. The authors, Suzanne Riss and Teresa Palagano, write with authority and empathy for the millions of us trying to manage a career, kids, and the occasional ill-advised e-mail rant! This is a must-read for moms trying to raise independent, well-adjusted children in a crazy-busy world.” -Lian Dolan Parenting expert at oprah.com; creator of The Chaos Chronicles magazine column, podcast, and blog; and mom to Brookes, 16, and Colin, 13. “All moms have eighteen things to do at once. Make room for nineteen: reading this clever, cheerful, empathetic guide to streamlining your priorities as a working parent.” -Aline Brosh McKenna Screenwriter (The Devil Wears Prada, 27 Dresses, and Morning Glory) and mom to Charlie, 11 and Leo, 8. “A terrific resource for working moms who, like me, welcome fresh, realistic advice on juggling kids and career.” -Kristi Yamaguchi Figure skater, Olympic Gold Medal winner, author, and mom to Keara, 7, and Emma, 5.

I Just Want to Pee Alone

Author: Jen People I Want to Punch in the Throat

Publisher: Throat_punch Books

ISBN: 9780988408036

Category: Child rearing

Page: 185

View: 9659

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Subtitle on cover: A collection of hilarious essays about motherhood.

Let's Pretend This Never Happened

Author: Jenny Lawson

Publisher: Penguin

ISBN: 1101573082

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 384

View: 3716

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The #1 New York Times bestselling (mostly true) memoir from the hilarious author of Furiously Happy. “Gaspingly funny and wonderfully inappropriate.”—O, The Oprah Magazine When Jenny Lawson was little, all she ever wanted was to fit in. That dream was cut short by her fantastically unbalanced father and a morbidly eccentric childhood. It did, however, open up an opportunity for Lawson to find the humor in the strange shame-spiral that is her life, and we are all the better for it. In the irreverent Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson’s long-suffering husband and sweet daughter help her uncover the surprising discovery that the most terribly human moments—the ones we want to pretend never happened—are the very same moments that make us the people we are today. For every intellectual misfit who thought they were the only ones to think the things that Lawson dares to say out loud, this is a poignant and hysterical look at the dark, disturbing, yet wonderful moments of our lives. Readers Guide Inside

Why a Son Needs a Mom

Author: Gregory E. Lang

Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.

ISBN: 1402242794

Category: Family & Relationships

Page: 80

View: 5411

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The perfect gift for a boy's lifelong fan, this mini edition of NYT bestselling author Greg Lang's classic, Why a Son Needs a Mom will bring together mothers and sons everywhere.